Just passing through….

As I stumble through life, I know with a greater certainty that saying how I feel is more important than covering up to make everyone comfortable. ~ Roseanne Raneri

Being a women of a certain age, (well past birth but hopefully not too near death is how I tend to see it) I find myself and most of my girlfriends having similar thoughts going around in our heads. For those of us who have grown children, we started having these thoughts awhile ago while others with sons/daughters heading off to university are just starting to think them now.

The thoughts may be dressed up differently, a bit sadness, a bunch of anxiety and for most a hunk of excitement. They may present themselves at odd times such as when you try to sleep, or being alone in the house for a couple of hours or generally when you least expect it. Yes these thoughts come and prod like a human prod making you sometimes feel like you are questioning your own sanity!

What are these thoughts? Well I can’t be sure, all I can really do is offer a flavour hoping that others (if I am lucky to have readers that is) recognise them and tell us we are not insane or alone and that we are just passing through a stage of life such as pubity (but in reverse perhaps?)

To be fair these thoughts are more questions than thoughts, they tend be unclear and happy to present themselves as little niggles, unrest and generally a overall questioning of ‘is this it?’ The following are a selection some I have had, others belong to the women I come into contact with during my quest to find out if we all feel the same.

Is this it?
What now?
Should I start a relationship?
Do I really like being alone?
Could I ever share the remote control again?
Could I ever be in relationship again?
Do I want to share?
Should I end my relationship?
Should I pack a bag and run for it?
Should I change jobs?
Should I start a mission?
Can I even start my life?
Did it ever end?
What the hell have I achieved?
What should I achieve now?
Is this it?

Maybe these thoughts/questions serve a purpose, they are life’s way of making us take stock, like a line from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off! “Life moves pretty fast…if ya don’t stop and look around once and a while…you could miss it”. Is that what it’s all about? or is it really the Hokey Cokey ? (sorry couldn’t resist).

I started this Blog as a memory jogger but also to leave a little bit of me behind in case I ever get grand babies (not hinting just yet boys, none of us are ready !!!). I have the hope that if grand babies do arrive I am around to greet them and maybe teach them a little of life, telling them not to worry so much and that things and time passes so don’t fret and enjoy. But just incase I am not around to tell them, I wanted this blog to be at least a little helpful, even if it’s only to show that even old people don’t know all the answers, we are not always wiser just older! If I have granddaughters who also have these thoughts/questions at any time, they will know its normal (well for women of a certain age at least), and like most other times we are just passing through it and we generally make it to the other side wherever that may be……. I meant it boys no rush on those grand babies.

At some point we all need to hear our thoughts resonating in another person’s words so we can understand that each one of us is not alone. ~ Sarah McLachlan