In the planning and memory making business…..

Life sometimes seems like it’s got two sides ‘feeling entirely blessed’ and ‘first world problems’. Not a bad place to be if you can get the balance right.

What am I talking about you may think my invisible reader (if you exist). As I am convinced only those who are with me on any of these memories ever read this ( and then only if forced), they do it mostly to check that I didn’t include anything cringe worthy in our episodes. Plus those fellow bloggers who are growing their audiences (although I don’t think they read it, just automatically like to increase their return followers – now don’t shoot me bloggers I think that’s entirely fine, it’s just my memory blog and I am definitely a novice blogger).

But as usual I digress, back to the life thingy.

For context I am sitting on this sunny (unusual for up North) Sunday morning thinking, after everything that is (C-19) these days, you have to stop and reflect on what you have today rather than what you expect out of life.

Each year I hope I am growing in my understanding of me, which is based on experience (good & bad) and self reflection. For instance I know how much I enjoy planning even if the event or task never happens. Also the reliving moments/memories (as I do here on the novice blog) is almost as important as the event itself.

While some of my life tribe are more reserved about being on camera, (they know who they are. – not that they read this blog) others don’t take much interest and just go with it. After all what would the memories be without them and I love them for it.

Afternoon get together….

At this point I find that the ‘feeling blessed’ is sitting in our ‘she shed’ Sunday morning with ‘Girl Cat’ and Hound’ snoozing. I am organising the days and weeks ahead, looking over the recent weeks photos, contemplating how blessed. At this moment I am watching a Whats App conversation with some of the Thursday Girls talking excitedly about our lovely lady JZ who will be marrying her beloved fella next week.

Unfortunately I will not be there as I am going away but love that life is joyful among the mess. Lady JZ is inspirational to me, the way she sees life. Demonstrating it through her wisdom, humour, love and view of life she is truly a blessing to the world. Lady JZ never had relationships she had/has love affairs. Next week she marries her true love affair Lord L and I will be praying for special memories on the day and their life ahead.

Coy and beautiful lady, social distance memory

Some of the Thursday Girls Club hat display at the garden Hen Doo

Before my invisible reader thinks my life is untroubled, they should be aware, there are always valleys /troubles in everyone’s worlds and they do eat away my happy thoughts (when I let them – a moment by moment battle some days). My Work, my family that is affected abroad and at home by Lockdown all means we are waiting for answers to prayers, who isn’t?

Jason Mraz says it like this…..have a look and importantly listen to this song.

So while my troubles are difficult they could be called ‘first world problems’ or so Number Two Son explained to me.

Funny when stuff happens to others perspectives are easy to see, but when it’s our own, troubles seem insurmountable, unless that is, you can balance them with your blessings and right side thinking.

So I am counting my blessings today using my grateful list compiled below of today …. (Not everything but you get the gist)

@Memories from recent weeks

@Booking a van trip with Lady D to explore the Cotswold

@Getting to say goodbye yesterday, at a garden gathering to two of the loviest people my Pastor and his wife, off on a new venture of their own

.

Forever grateful to P & W for their support during some very sad times. God Bless them both.

@Organised a possible project in the house….. (well maybe)

@Had Lord S call on for his lunch and test out a leisure battery on the van in readiness for our up and coming trip.

@being Relaxed in the She Shed, with the house team.

@And to finish off the day I will be going back to church tonight to welcome our new Pastor and his wife.

As I reflect that ‘life goes on’ no matter what, and that blessed are those who have hope for tomorrow and live in the gifts of today. I have got to say I am trying my best.

Sometimes you got just remind yourself of what is important. Pity I can be a bad student some days.

Thanks to Pinterest.

Just passing through….

As I stumble through life, I know with a greater certainty that saying how I feel is more important than covering up to make everyone comfortable. ~ Roseanne Raneri

Being a women of a certain age, (well past birth but hopefully not too near death is how I tend to see it) I find myself and most of my girlfriends having similar thoughts going around in our heads. For those of us who have grown children, we started having these thoughts awhile ago while others with sons/daughters heading off to university are just starting to think them now.

The thoughts may be dressed up differently, a bit sadness, a bunch of anxiety and for most a hunk of excitement. They may present themselves at odd times such as when you try to sleep, or being alone in the house for a couple of hours or generally when you least expect it. Yes these thoughts come and prod like a human prod making you sometimes feel like you are questioning your own sanity!

What are these thoughts? Well I can’t be sure, all I can really do is offer a flavour hoping that others (if I am lucky to have readers that is) recognise them and tell us we are not insane or alone and that we are just passing through a stage of life such as pubity (but in reverse perhaps?)

To be fair these thoughts are more questions than thoughts, they tend be unclear and happy to present themselves as little niggles, unrest and generally a overall questioning of ‘is this it?’ The following are a selection some I have had, others belong to the women I come into contact with during my quest to find out if we all feel the same.

Is this it?
What now?
Should I start a relationship?
Do I really like being alone?
Could I ever share the remote control again?
Could I ever be in relationship again?
Do I want to share?
Should I end my relationship?
Should I pack a bag and run for it?
Should I change jobs?
Should I start a mission?
Can I even start my life?
Did it ever end?
What the hell have I achieved?
What should I achieve now?
Is this it?

Maybe these thoughts/questions serve a purpose, they are life’s way of making us take stock, like a line from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off! “Life moves pretty fast…if ya don’t stop and look around once and a while…you could miss it”. Is that what it’s all about? or is it really the Hokey Cokey ? (sorry couldn’t resist).

I started this Blog as a memory jogger but also to leave a little bit of me behind in case I ever get grand babies (not hinting just yet boys, none of us are ready !!!). I have the hope that if grand babies do arrive I am around to greet them and maybe teach them a little of life, telling them not to worry so much and that things and time passes so don’t fret and enjoy. But just incase I am not around to tell them, I wanted this blog to be at least a little helpful, even if it’s only to show that even old people don’t know all the answers, we are not always wiser just older! If I have granddaughters who also have these thoughts/questions at any time, they will know its normal (well for women of a certain age at least), and like most other times we are just passing through it and we generally make it to the other side wherever that may be……. I meant it boys no rush on those grand babies.

At some point we all need to hear our thoughts resonating in another person’s words so we can understand that each one of us is not alone. ~ Sarah McLachlan

Practically Perfect in every way – Really???

Mary Poppins described herself to be practically perfect in every way, which give her two little charges something to live up to, and as in turn out also to those of us who grew up post 1950’s. Before in the 50’s woman and men had prescribed roles, women got married and stayed at home, cooked, cleaned and looked after family. Dad went to work and paid the bills. All was happy and contented. Well perhaps not, but how you looked didn’t really start to be an issue until the ‘ box’ (television) showed everyone how a woman could look ie glamourous and men could be men.

I have been thinking about what it means to be perfect. The dictionary describes it as “conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type:
Or
excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
Or
exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose
Or my personal favourite and unattainable
entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcoming!!! Really!!!

The Mail on line recently featured the story of a rare ‘perfect diamond’ worth $20m, one of the largest flawless diamonds . It didn’t just turn up perfect -no, a craftsman took 21 months to polish it to its perfect state. The Head of Jewellery at Christies Auction House, Rahul said ” a perfect diamond is the result of the skill and vision of a master cutter, who is able to uncover beauty from a rough gem”. This is one of the issues, perfection isn’t an accident it’s a process (I think). For most of us mere mortals we are born and take a life time to reach our potential and this is sometimes confused with the quest for perfection, to which no one can attain surely.

I think being human means, ‘life’ is the Master Craftsman, it polishes and chips away at us, through our experiences and the process goes on way past 21 months, I am 50yrs and hardly past a rough diamond stage.

A unknown author quote said
” I’m perfectly imperfect!!! But God looks beyond my faults & supplies waaay more than my needs”. Which I find comforting. in fact when I looked, I found there were loads more imperfect quotes than perfect, it seems most of us acknowledge (even if some of us don’t like it) our imperfect (ness).

Hussein Nishah said ” Stop trying to fix yourself; you’re NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure”. Strong words of encouragement, if only I could get rid of that fix gene.

So Why is all the interest in perfection? Has the world gone mad? I think it has, both men and women now feel the pressure to look amazing not just good, (no more 1950’s drab looks allowed), achieve more than ever before (the pressure causing both boys and girls to self harm on a terrifying scale). Now I am not against making the most of what God provided, and thanks be to the cosmetic companies for concealer, but really do we all have to look like Jennifer Aniston or that really slim girl from Twilight who looks like she is about to faint from hunger? I have more chance to look like Lady Gaga and she was mistaken for a fella! I look at my friends and see beautiful and handsome people and who could prove otherwise, that’s how they look to me.

It’s not even just a single persons problem, couples have to be the ‘perfect couple’ or do they? Dave Meurer said “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” that’s a great quote Dave but how come those differences are what everyone focuses on?

I think I have found where the problem lies – it’s the definition of perfection. The flawless perfect diamond was only deemed perfect according to a criteria some diamond experts decided on. A made up criteria! So are we mere mortals confirming to a criteria of perfection some ‘expert’ somewhere has made up? Or are we making it up ourselves, pushing it to limits that even we don’t understand? What’s is the criteria and where did it come from?

But the good news is that it’s not the 1950’s, we don’t have to confirm to anybodies criteria of perfection, nor do we need to beat ourselves up for not being the prettiest, cleverest, strongest or any ‘est’, no we are just need ‘to be what we were meant to be’ ourselves are we not?

I have some incredible flaws, think there are some I haven’t even found yet! But I trying to let my life experiences polish me, in the hope I can be the best I can be, don’t think I have much choice really.

But I am basing this strategy on the fact it’s the flaws I see in my friends and family that makes me love them, to me their flaws shout “character and adventure, tears and laughter, joy and sorrow”, No – perfect just doesn’t do it for me, sorry Mary Poppins, you might just have to take a spoonful of sugar with that ……..

People or boats …..

I recently bought this print from a local artist Mr Lindsay. He paints scenes from our local coastline usually Tynemouth and Cullercoates. Visiting his shop you can watch him paint or just admire his work hanging there. I often think how I would like to buy one of the big originals, but never would spend the money, such is my lack of art collecting.

Mr Lindsay is talented and friendly so chatting to him I said I liked this print because it reminded me of people. Being polite he said “everyone sees something different in art”. “Why people he asked me””?” (again being polite). I said because all the boats are different, some little, some big, some new, some old. Some well maintained, others rather worn and well used. But all of them are stranded on the same shore, all of them are waiting for the same thing – the tide to come in and give them the ability to do what they need to do – sail in the Ocean.

Everyone of them has the ability to get to where they need to be, as craftsmen have built them. They have their own journey mapped out and just because they need to sail alone doesn’t mean they are actually alone. They are stranded at this very moment but when the Ocean reaches them, they will sail again and maybe get close to each other, they might be so close that they wave and say “Bon Voyage may the winds be with you” ( or whatever sailors would say to each other). I could see Mr Lindsay think I was not his typical art collector and at £8.50 for the print not going to be his best customer either. But he left me with my own insight on the print and hoped his next customer will at least pay for his tea.

I did buy the print because of the people resemblance, as it reminds me that although we are all different we still share the same Ocean (life). As scary, as unpredictable as it is, it offers so much potential. It looks like it will never end but even the Ocean stops at the shore, and little or big boats, pretty yachts or sturdy fishing boats get old and tired and need to retire. But while we are in the Ocean we can sail together, feel the freedom and knowledge that when the tide goes out and we are left feeling alone we are never really alone, just look across the beach, and there will be others, just waiting for the Ocean to come back and pick us up and take us to where we are meant to sail. For now I just need to figure out where to hang my not so original piece of art……

Two different things…..

I’ve been thinking about two different things, I don’t mean I have had two different (conflicting ones) thoughts in my head at once No – that is apparently impossible according to the head drs.

No – I have recognised that things are at least two different things. For example what I feel and what I say to people are often two different things. How I look and how I feel! Two different things. What people want from you and what you are willing to give! Two different things. What you want and what you need! Two different things. What someone gives you and what you need! Two different things. What you do and what you are! Two different things. Does this make sense to you! Or is it two different things…….

Casualties of living……,

If you look up the meaning of life on the Internet the answers are all sorts of religious, scientific, humorous and basically confusing twaddle. No one answer, no right answer either. We are left scratching our heads, it’s unanswered. So I have been thinking (surprising) as my life goes through a untypical emergency stop procedure. Here I try to make some sense of it, even if I don’t have the foggiest about its meaning.

Leaving the big question to others I ask what is the meaning of my own life?? and why do I struggle???

Again I read, think, talk, talk, talk (always more talk than anything) and pray about it but I am still stumped.

All I can think about is that my life is the period between my birth and death in which I get a chance to love, learn and add value to others. Is this my meaning – maybe! I do know my biggest struggle is when I fail at any of those 3 things, and fail miserably I do. Please don’t think I mind failing, (hear my heart on this), No I don’t see failure as such a bad thing, in fact its an important part of learning, it also helps me recognise Joy when it comes (and it does more than I deserve). So its not the failures, that messes me up. No – It’s those that I hurt while I do it I can’t cope with. Learning to forgive is important they say if you want to live a full life, but I think understanding forgiveness is learnt best, when you are the person who needs the forgiveness. Add to that the people you know that you have hurt as well as those you don’t even know you have. Such are the affects of our actions (I think they call it the ‘butterfly affect’) have on others.

One of my top ten favourite books is ‘The 5 people you meet in heaven’ by Mitch Albom, it is a book that helps you understand the affect you have on others (and they have on you) during your life and says you get peace from understanding these things after you die and go to Heaven (its fiction). It says “That’s what Heaven is. You get to make sense of your yesterdays”

During my emergency stop in life, I looked at this little book again and spotted somethings that help.

“That’s the thing. Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else.” As I have mentioned letting go of people is hard for me, so (I hope this is true Mitch), although my Dad would have said a similar thing I am sure.

But it’s this little bit that sticks with me today, it says

“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.”

I really hope in my life the casualties are few and forgiving, and that for all of us the beginnings become clear soon. Waiting till we get to Heaven is a bit drastic even for me……