The Long Road…….

A Preacher once gave a sermon about how life sometimes seems unfair, why do some people seem to get everything they need so easily and quickly, while other people take forever to get where they need to be in life.The Preacher said sometimes you have to just take the long way around or what shes says is the Long Road to some things. Perhaps those Long Roads to where we are going (places in life, people etc) teach us more along the way because some of us need it, I don’t know, I just know something’s take longer to get there.

I found this photo of Death Valley it reminded me of the ‘long road’ sermon but unlike the Long Road in life we cant see where we are going. I figure on these Roads, we often stop, or stall, some of us may even go backwards, such are the difficulties in life. One of my friends took years on her long road to having children, overcoming lots of problems to finally having two beautiful babies.

But I guess the best of taking a Long Road is the people we meet along it, that is, if we stop to spend time with them or letting them join us on the journey, or better still getting to support them on their long roads. Some people who travel with us are not only special but what I call Soul Mates, my belief being that we have more than one Soul Mate (it’s not a romantic term in my understanding) no its men and women who just know us (or we think they do) stand with us through the stops and stalls and help us be who we were meant to be. Put just in the right place to make our lives better and less lonely.

I read a few suggestions of what Soul Mates are and these are the ones that spoke to me, “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life” Yes frightening as this is I think its true.

Another said “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave”.

But the best one for me came from another favourite book of mine ‘Eat, Pray and Love’, by Elizabeth Gilbert she said “A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” phew and I thought the road was difficult alone, seems that its difficult with Soul Mates too. But growing and learning how to navigate these Long Roads is education in itself. .

The education like the road takes time, which doesn’t fit with my impatient personality, I should have learnt how to walk/run these roads at school but didn’t. Neil Gaiman said “I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.” well said Neil!

So perhaps the education is life itself, with the support is our Soul Mates and my missing patience? Well that may never be achievable, not even on a Long Road…….

When pressure brings ugliness……

I was brought up by a dad that told me “you never need to be nasty Gillian, you can do everything that you need to do, and you never need to be nasty about it”. This was my dads way of saying I should consider other peoples feelings, or put another way respect others in all circumstances. My dad was a good man, a people person who had his own opinions but knew that people sometimes couldn’t help being who they were. He wasn’t perfect himself but then again who is.

I know that perfect is definitely not a term I could ever subscribe to. In fact my list of ‘must improve’ is pretty long, some of which I can share because they are pretty obvious, ie I talk too much, I think way to much and I expect other people to get me even when I struggle to get myself. Its obvious from this post, I am a typical woman – I am sure it is.

But the bit I really struggle with, is when I am under pressure I tend to let my ugly (nasty) side come through (if not always in action or word but in thought). That side of me that hits out when things don’t go well and if is not properly nasty (sorry dad) it is certainly border line to it.

In leadership they say the best leaders come to the fore when the pressure is on, saying that people watch how leaders react in times of pressure and its in those times that the great leaders are made, for example Winston Churchill and Martin Luther King, (who led separate but equally important struggles).

Is it the same with us mere mortals, is it in the times of pressure that we grow to become the best people? I am sad to say it doesn’t feel like that, and I haven’t seen any evidence its true. The need to scream “my life is not working – help!!!!!!” as I busily blaming everybody and everything in my path for my lack of control is UGLY!!!

And then I thought about whether pressure is necessary, I looked up diamonds and asked how were they made and found most natural diamonds are formed at high temperature and pressure at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 120 mi) in the Earth’s mantle (now that’s pressure). Henry Kissinger said ” A diamond is a chunk of coal that is made good under pressure.” Are we just pieces of coal that in the end may become diamonds? Is the ugliness a flaw, necessary in the refing process, after all, a Chinese proverb says “Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one.” I will think on that one, I am not convinced.

So while I am not saying things don’t go wrong, some people may be less than helpful, pressure is made by me and other things, it’s my ugliness that is hard to accept, being nasty is not an option, it lets my dad down and The Big Guy ( the heavenly one!). I know I am not the only one who thinks like this, my friend says he is the same about letting his mum down.

So what to do about my ugliness? Well the first is to acknowledge I reckon I am not alone, I know hurt people, hurt people (no excuse, but makes me feel less lonely).

The second is to not buy a weapon to use on those I blame for my pressure, that way I am at least saving lives!

The third and perhaps sensible option is to agree to work on recognising the pressure points (many of which I have created myself). I know I can do better at handling my responses to them. Teaching from the Sumo Guy talks about E+R=O which is Event + Response = Outcome. Meaning if I take a ugly response to some event in my life I get a crap outcome.

This might not help me accept my ‘ugly side’ but it at least it is a little reminder I reap what I sow. Ugly begets ugly just as nasty begets nasty, my dad knew that and so do I really……. It might not remove my pressures but it may just help me not make them worse…. Failing that I will just have to open the red wine…..(hic)