In a couple if weeks I am going to visit my big brother and his lovely wife. I haven’t seen them in a while, they live part in England and part in Spain and to visit their house abroad is always relaxing and fun.
Seeing my family always makes me think of the past, as my memory is not the best (hence the creation of this blog – suggested by Son Number 2, so I don’t forget too much and appreciate as much as possible in life). Last time at my brothers house we watched a old movie of one of my Dads birthday parties. My Bro, his wife and I happily pointed out to our friends who was who in our extended family, giggling at our old hair styles and reminisced about those no longer with us.
Looking back is an odd experience, Lady Y this week spoke about how she can still recall vividly the experience of visiting her Nanna, the walk up the path, along the passage feeling excited to see the woman she adored.
When I recall memories of my family home, I still feel the comfort, security and love that I don’t think I will ever replace, as these are childhood memories and special. My favourite day of the week was Wednesdays, because it was my Mums day off, a day which meant trying to throw a sickie from school just to stay at home with her. The house we lived in always felt warm, people were always welcome, both my parents being very social and generous. Dreaming of home like this sometimes makes me smile, but often it makes me sad, sad because I can never go home again. No time travel or Worm Hole available, that I can slip through and get home to my parents and the love that existed in that house. No dreams can take you back to the place in your mind but it can’t take you back in time.
The sadness never stays long with me, as I love my life and believe the best is yet to come and I am not sure whether there is much in life that you can go back to successfully.
Can You go back to a good book, education, favourite places, relationship etc and feel the same? I have read books that changed my life but on reading them again they didn’t have the same effect – I had changed since the first time I had read it so the effect was never going to be the same, places may still look the same but it never feels like the first time you discovered somewhere special etc etc.
No going back rarely seems an option for most things, people grow develop, memories also change how we remember things, we enhance them or fudge them depending on how we want the memories to be. Perhaps something’s should remain beautiful memories, something tells me when I visit my family in a couple of weeks, we will be reminiscing and it will seem like it wasn’t so long ago that everyone was all together in our family home. But in the back of our minds we will know that although we can dream about it every now and then, we can’t go home again……..
wherethehellisgillian 