Why do they call them peace walls when there is no peace…..

When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.

Bernard Meltzer

Last week I visited Belfast with work, it had been a place Lady L and I had considered before we planned our Irish road trip. I have to admit although the people were lovely it isn’t a place I would think about for a holiday.

What astounded us was there is still so much hurt in the communities, 43 Peace Walls still exist. These walls run the lengths of communities to separate the Loyalists from the Catholics people. The walls built so high that no one can climb or throw a petrol bomb over. Alongside these walls are murals on house gable ends commemorating battles and Ireland’s violent history. There were some murals about peace too but they seem recent. The leader of the council said “the people of Northern Ireland should start thinking more about the future than they do the past”.

The murals mark territory saying which area it belonged to and warning people who enter that violence will be used if they don’t behave. Here the peace walls open and close their gates morning and night to keep communities apart for what they say is to make people feel safe, but surely it also stops them from building relationships and healing hurts too. Some of the separated communities are families and friends ripped apart through the troubles in ways I could never imagine. How many tears (on both sides) have been shed and how many people lost loved ones, lives and peace through it all.

Why is it that as humans we have such compassion, the ability to love so much but when things go wrong we can hate and hurt so easy. That capacity to love quickly flipped to hate without a seconds hesitation.

My Dad used to say that little things such as words said, or not said, wanting different things or just plain stubbornness can find that people who once loved each other never speak for the rest of their lives. I have seen this first hand in my own life, and the upset builds it’s own peace walls in hearts just as real as I those I visited in Belfast. The walls being defences to try and stop hurting in situations which seem unrepairable.

But I don’t want to live behind any peace walls, even if others do. So in my life, I am going to choose everyday not to hold onto the pain (no matter how hard) and not hate people who are building peace walls in between myself and them, or who paint murals of meanness in words to tell me how much I have disappointed them or annoyed them for needing something else in life……. No…. Instead I will pray that they find joy, happiness and peace and maybe forgive me for what they feel I have done to them. I will still love these people even if that seems difficult some days.

I can only do this as I have such incredible people around me, who stand with me, they are the rocks I lean on, when I let go they hold on for me, loving me through all the mess. God put these people in my life and I will forever be grateful for them and I will try my best to be there for them if they ever need me, loving them through it too. As in the end I want to live every day, loving not hating, seeing more good than bad and celebrating the future not just the past………

The fork in the road ……

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. Winston Churchill.

I sometimes need to be reminded that listening is more important than speaking, understanding is a two way thing and being loved it a gift not a right. And when it comes to a fork in the road, be grateful that there is someone who wants to hold my hand and try to take the road less travelled with me, I have just got to ask them.

Lorca shaken not stirred…..

“I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.”
– Unknown

Our last full day with Brother and Good Lady Wife was to be a local journey, spending the morning in the local town of Lorca which has recovered really well since the earthquake, just over a year ago. Brother had been there at the time in his village but apart from a little tremble didn’t really notice it, while Lorca took quite a bit in damage and people died, so quite serious.

A visit tends to be the same thing, a wander around local shops which seems like its is mostly shoe shops (or so I think – not being a good shopper) and a hell of a lot of banks. Either they grow money here or they just like banks. Today we visited the local market where the fruit and veg look like they are mutants, huge and odd shaped but very fresh. NYB P loved it while NYB F struggled, holding himself back from heading directly to the little coffee shop and opting for a early beer. But he managed to wait till we had at least done one circuit before settling down to his first beer.

Going anywhere with NYBs and Brother tends to be the same, wander for 30 minutes, then enter a little taverna/coffee shop for a beer/coffee (I am resident driver this holiday it seems, so only non alcoholic for me!). All the while the four of them are sharing stories, while I tend to amuse myself by photographing anything that’s looks interesting.

Brother has never stopped talking since we got here and Good Lady Wife is fearful he will get a sore throat from the onslaught his vocal cords have taken this week. I suppose living in a foreign country means you miss the easy conversation with your fellow Brits. Or put it another way Brother is a professional, it’s in our genes and no stopping us. He and Good Lady Wife are such a committed couple, accepting each other for who they are, they are normal, but where other people tend to niggle about each other they seem to accept each other no matter what. Both of them want the other one to be happy, even at the expense of themselves , and neither of them could ever accept a life apart. This seems such a rare thing today, but you can’t help hoping that although rare, it is still a possibility with the right people, who are willing to be accepting and have the ability to love the other person more than themselves.

I always like to go looking at the rich houses of Lorca, its a pretty walk through a tree lined avenue. I like to imagine the Lorcan people who live there, wondering what do they do for a living, do they have a big family born from Spanish royalty, I will never know but maybe one day will get inside one of those houses. This little gated estate tucked just behind Lorca High Street is a treat to visit, and can be easily missed if you don’t know it’s there. I love a little tapas pavilion tucked right in the middle which reminds me of our pavilion in the local park at home (it bares no resemblance but it still reminds me), sadly today it was shut when we arrived, but never its not a fail, as we find another tapas bar at the end of the avenue, here Brother tries yet again to get us chips/fries returning instead with plain crisps (failed again), he really needs to learn Spanish better!!

Spending our last night in the village, partaking of Pepe’s large measures, I go looking for the sunset again across the Campo (a large open space behind the village, where you can see across to the mountains). I love doing this alone, the village is quiet, friendly villagers say Buenos Nachos as I walk past not caring that I am obviously a stranger (more strange than most, some would say), taking photos of stray cats and dogs as I walk by. Sunsets never fail to get to me, they seem to say “you have had your day, be grateful for it, it was made just for you. Never forget the beauty each day offers, it was meant to be enjoyed so hope you made the most of it as its never going to be repeated exactly the same. But remember as this sun disappears, if you need to make amends on what you didn’t or did do today, remember to pray to God, thank Him for today and ask Him for another day to put things right, and if thats not to be, pray that those you spent the day with, were left knowing how much you loved them, after all that’s the point isn’t it?”

Getting back to one of Good Lady Wife’s delicious suppers (including real chips – diet next week), we talk about how lovely both of their houses are and thank them for making us so welcome . Being in their company is relaxed and fun so much that you can’t feel sad at leaving and feeling very tempted to book to come back next month! Tomorrow we will hug and say goodbye and be grateful we have shared their dream, homes and company even if it’s only been for a short time and we always have the memories to take with us and the hope of another time in this little Lorcan retreat…….

Bob Marley says…….

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” bob Marley