What’s your beanstalk?…….

It’s still Pantomime season and I got to see Newcastle’s (best in the country) show at the beautiful and majestic Theatre Royal. This year its Jack and the Beanstalk and like every year it was brilliant, the show a complete sell out even though we are well into January.

Watching our funny Jack ( a very talented fella called Danny) take on the challenge of saving his family’s farm from the overdue taxes and the Princess from the scary Giant (who lived up in the clouds) got me thinking (yes in 2014 I am still thinking). I mean what is this story all about???

Stay with me, Jack (or a version of ourselves) who all have our own beanstalk to climb. Even from the beginning when Jack is given the charge of saving the family business – is just like most days when we hit that problem we have to sort out, the stuff life throws at us, then just as Jack did we are off to market to sell the cow, only in our real world its usually about making decisions. The problem with decisions you can’t tell if they are right, until well after you have made them. Jacks decisions to sell old Moo Moo for a bag of magic beans, made sense to him just like lots of times I have made decisions that seemed perfectly suited to the problem/situation. Then just like his parents I have others in my life questioning the validity of these decisions. Yes Jacks parents are no different from those in my life who love me and doubt my sanity at times. I would like to say that their doubt is often misplaced but sometimes, its well founded, my decisions would have only worked out if magic had been a possibility!

That said people have dreams (magic bean – stay with me) that others do put down as flights of fantasy or worse stupid, often it leads people to give up on them. As its the beginning of a new year I revisit with the team their personal goals and challenges as part of a personal development day (aka our company team build) being planned for the end of this month I am now officially in panic mode, as I try and write a interesting and uplifting day for these intelligent and inspiring people (sometimes I wish they were not so intelligent and inspiring – it might not be so hard!!!). However as part of this day I do ask what are their goals/dreams, do they have any. So much of life means we accept surviving as sufficient but dreams drive imagination and imagination drives fulfilment of things that we might never had considered possible. And the possible is within every ones potential which is part of personal development, my job on the day is to remind myself and the team NOW is the time to do what we need to do, get out the magic beans and plant them.

After planting magic beans I also remind them of the next stage, the climbing the beanstalk, deciding to plant the beans is merely a decision to do something about a situation (the first and very important stage) but its climbing of the beanstalk that get the dream achieved. Doing something means making a plan of how to achieve it (the climb plan) then it’s getting started, putting one first foot on the journey and going for it. Then comes the biggest challenge – NOT GIVING UP!

Novelist James Thom wrote about an honest man who said “I got to the top the hard way – fighting my own laziness and ignorance every step of the way”

Yes not giving up is the biggest challenge, consistently moving forward and accepting that sometimes you fail, amending your ways and keep going forward, to reach where you want to be. Unlike our panto Jack who got a helicopter and took a shortcut, I find they never really work in real life.

Then when you get to the top there still the giant to conquer, only in real life it’s the ability to face the truth, that real success was getting here in the first place. Yep the realisation that it was actually the climb that give you the buzz. The feeling of staying with that healthy eating, that making the effort to make your loved one happy, the study and the people you are going to miss not just having the qualification or the job you always wanted just find that you want to look for the next one.

Perhaps I am alone in this that getting there is enough, most people do settle and live off the goose that lays the golden egg, they found the first time. As I look around I see myself and everyone else still climbing sometimes with ease, sometimes with excitement, sometimes with fear, but we are all still climbing, its life. Each time we conquer a giant we start again and mostly we welcome the climbs.

Yes – welcome to ‘Jacks and the beanstalks’ our life journeys where we sometimes look up and lose heart on how far things seem from us, and sometimes looking down to see how far we have come, but mostly we just realise that at least we are holding fast to the beanstalk and hoping that we don’t fall off in the process but happy that we are not alone, plenty of other Jacks climbing around us to that place in the sky, which I reckon can’t be too bad if they have gold eggs for breakfast – “OH NO THEY DON’T – OH YES THEY DO………

Road trips are relational…..

I don’t need anyone to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves.
Shirley MacLaine

It’s been less than a month since our road trip to Ireland and so far I have looked at 4 places to explore next. It seems I am compulsively hooked on planning and going on road trips!

I have to suggest I am not a holiday person, which may seem odd to say, considering I write about my days away. But what I mean is, that its not the thought of a break and rest I look for, it’s the chance to step into a new world/life I really want to do if only for a short time. As I reflect on my life I realised that when my home life wasn’t too good I would opt for a new job or hobby. In other words I would change what I could in my life which made the rest liveable.

However I love my life and my job with lots of blessings and great people around me so don’t want to make the big changes anymore. Having said that I feel drawn to explore more places especially those where I can have relationship with the natural world and new people, with the chance of learning about life.

I think If you want relationship, road trips are your solution. As every aspect is relational, first there are the people or person you travel with. You have got to feel 100% comfortable with them, you are going to share living space 24/7 so you need to be able to listen to each others conversations for long stretches and more importantly silence for long stretches. On most trips by the second day we are repeating conversations, being practical people we have a code word to gently remind the other person that the story they are telling has been told umpteen times, ( a couple of times is acceptable) or is a wandering tale (ie very boring), our word is “duvet”.

By the end of any trip you have shared so much in conversation and experience you should find your relationship with your travel companion is either stronger or OVER! Luckily I have stronger relationships.

The next relationship is with the area you are exploring. From the moment you hit the road you start to build a connection to it, the lakes, the mountains, the coastline basically whatever the place has to offer. Around every corner there is something new and very often beautiful and/or interesting. You don’t have to be anywhere exotic I am learning the places don’t have to be new I just have to look at them with new eyes or see them from a new perspective. After all if its God creation it’s always good. Some places have been outstandingly beautiful and its sometimes hard to drink it all in, photos don’t capture it enough, so we do everything we can to cement it in our brain. We have what we call a “moment” which is standing looking at a sight, putting in our earphones to listen to a brilliant song such as ‘one moment in time or I will always love you’ and stay completely still. This means that we concentrate with no other distractions, then when we hear the song later it brings back the memory of the place. Some of the places such as lakes, seas, cliffs and mountains remind me that God has things in control, what He builds lasts for our lifetimes.

Then there is the relationships with those people you meet along the way. From people who help your trip get sorted (telling you where to visit) to the ones just passing by, each person has their own story and often they share it with you. Some people like my friend Abby in USA, a chance meeting at a lighthouse in Maine, has meant we share our lives over email and Facebook two worlds very different but also very similar. You realise that although someone lives somewhere different, or may talk different, with totally different life styles they are basically all the same on the things that make us human (eg needs – love, loneliness, fears, family, friends, God) and if you are willing to get to know each other we have things to share and teach one another too.

And finally there is the relationship with yourself, because I realised a long time ago, you can run away from places, situations and people but you can never run away from yourself. Nope wherever you are, you turn up, so if you have a problem and that problem is you, its no good running or road tripping to get away. Instead I use the time and space to learn from my road companions and experiences, and challenging myself to think differently where I can. Trying to figure out exactly who Gillian (the 50 something) is now.

Isn’t that what everyone does?…I really would like to know, one male friend said he knew exactly who he was at 50, I think he meant he knew his likes and dislikes, but how does he when hasn’t experienced everything his life has to offer yet…… Don’t get me wrong I know some people are entirely happy just where they are and that’s good, others think there is nowhere to go and thats not so good. Then there are the people like me who think and seek to explore, experience, learn and want to grow everyday, thinking this is life’s way of moving us forward even if its an inch at a time and it’s not till our end we can say we truly know as much as we can about ourselves but even then not everyone is self aware. And I think Its through building relationship in our life each day that counts (getting to know yourself helps) and perhaps understanding that life is the ultimate ROAD TRIP, so we should make sure we don’t miss the sights…..

Mad Hatters Day – it was made for me….

“The Mad Hatter: Have I gone Mad?
Alice: I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Not everything matters to me. In fact a catch phase I have adopted for a few years now is “Amazingly enough I don’t give a S@&t”. Catch phases are not just for TV no I preach you need to have at least 2 or 3 of your own. Danny Wallace also write about personal catchphrases in one of his hilarious books, which I recommend and seeing as I can’t remember it’s name – just read all of them they will make you laugh out loud.

The reason I have catchphrases us not because I am so up myself I can’t see the sun, no, it’s because I am a little nutty and often forget to see the ‘best that life is giving me and taking responsibility for living it’.

I will explain as being 51 does not make me any clearer I know. A catchphrase such as “I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to” or “I rule here” (best done with a hand gesture across a wide expanse/room for best effect) are phases that are not literal but a push to the inner me to take a good look at a situation and see it for what it is! So “amazingly enough is I don’t give a S£&t” reminds me to only take notice of the real stuff, the people stuff and stop focussing on little things that don’t matter! The “I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to do” means I am in control of what I do, and I know that even if I really don’t want to do something it is just the ‘right’ thing to do. In other words will do it with free will and if I try hard on these things good grace. Although if its really hard as I struggle with both when its really a hard thing to do.

The ” I rule here”, said with those I work with and do life with means exactly the opposite and my team, friends and family know that! As Son Number 2 remarked when I said it “yes Mum everywhere the light touches yer?” a Lion King quote apparently – he is a smart, sarcastic boy at times. This catchphrase reminds me that I don’t rule anyone or anything outside of my brain. Other people can be encouraged, supported even challenged by me but ruling is left for God and Queens. In short – it reminds me to get some perspective and give others a break and don’t feel responsible for others either.

So today the awesome Team that lets me say my catchphrases shared a cake or 3 in the aid of charity. I also got to name the theme being it was my birthday (AND ‘I rule’ of course). We all wore hats as I love them! we all looked mad and had fun (as I love that too). A colleague visited me from another office and said he had to smile when he walked in and saw everyone with a hat on (which meant our job was done – a smile and a donation to the charity from him too!).

Having a serious conversation about serious stuff with hats on does not make it less serious but it does change the pattern of how we do things. Which means we can think differently as we often feel different. We experience different emotions, some we thought lost forever like being contentment in the moment or just life is not all bad. The Team have a pretty difficult and stressful job so getting some balance can’t be bad.

I am not saying it was a life changing experience but it made people smile, it changed how we did things (if only for a while), it showed the creatively, generosity and thoughtfulness of Lady J who made her own Mad Hatters Hat and my birthday hat. It showed us Lord R and his fur hat he made while serving in the army when he had to live off the wild. Killing and eating to survive, using the furs to make a hat, good and bad memories blended together for him. It showed people were willing to laugh at themselves just for a while and just like my catchphrases remind themselves life is for living and smiling is optional but worth it…….

“I don’t think…” then you shouldn’t talk, said the Hatter.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

The manual could be wrong….

“I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t.”
― Marilyn Monroe

This week I am playing mum to two hairy four legged babies, who are the treasures of my friends Lady G and Lord P. Who have ventured off with the family to the sunny escapades of Florida USA.
This being only my second day on the job, I need to confess that even though Lady G left me a manual (she pronounced it maaannnnuelll…being the refined and organised person she is) things just don’t work out as planned.

Firstly she expected me to read the said maaannnnuelll, which to a person like me who doesn’t bother with instructions for electrical goods was rather naive of her I thought. Instead I only read it after I find that I am unable to switch on/turn off something like the TV which kept turning back on as I left the room for bed! Very paranormal or just the wrong button as it turned out. Then there is the things that are wrong in the maaaannuelll, such as how much each dog should be fed. Lady G got the amounts mixed up for each dog. So instead of the little dog Granville getting a measured dose of his favourite kibble he must have felt like a king for the day as I tripled his dinner. A fat king after he had finished, while Gracie a more delicate dog ate her small portion without complaint. Then there are the things NOT in the maaaannnuelll, such as when Lady L and I took my charges to the seaside for a race along the dunes, they come home and make the whole house smell like damp dog for the next 24 hours. Ahem, maybe I should note that in the maaanuelll!

I am not having a go at the still very comprehensive maaaannnuelll, no it’s a great idea. In fact as I consider house/pet sitting as my career for when I retire, (so much do I like living in other people spaces at least for a while), I think the maaaannnuelll is a great Invention. It’s just its not fool proof (not that I admit to being the fool but if the cap fits). No I have come to realise just like life sometimes you have to just do it and learn from the experience.

However I do agree parts of my life could do with a maaaannnuelll, but it still wouldn’t matter, I would still wait till I was struggling before looking it up or find that bit of life guidance was missing anyway. This week as I stay with Lady G’s babies and pray I will lose my sense of smell, I have finally agreed to change a part of my life that the maaaannuelll missed out. Although in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn’t working I still didn’t want to change it, such is the stubbornness of my will. Especially as it involved other people who I care about (easier if you can’t stick them -right?). And is down right impossible when the other people involved have a different perspective on it. Oh and it also has a big bunch of emotions attached to it, which is just code for hurt is on its way so watch out!

But in the end whether its a detailed instruction or a omission, you got to live it anyway. You only really learn the lesson by living it – (don’t ya?)

A old pastor of mine told me that life lessons are not linear, they are more of a coil. You don’t live the lesson and go directly to the next one. no we are more stupid than that (I think he was meaning everyone not just me…..). Simply put he said “That when we don’t learn through a life lesson, its repeated until we do. Whether its consequences from bad habits or wrong doings to others or relationships. We just keep looping back (and suffering the consequences) until we learn that we need to change what we are doing, how we are thinking or what we are focusing on, in order to get where we are suppose to be in this life.

Needless to say I have now read Lady G maaannnnuelll from cover to cover, while it didn’t help me make my life change (I did that anyway) it did mention the wine stash they left me. I have made a mental note to always at least skim the maaannnnuelll in the future, you never know a head start mightn’t be such a bad thing in the future…….

LIFE is a Journey, Enjoy it…….

Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. Psalm 103:15 (NLT Bible)

About 15yrs ago when I looked at my life (which for most part was blessed ) I didn’t like where I was in relationship to few things. So I changed what I could, not always painlessly and not without a few hurts I wished I could have avoided, but I made the changes. I would have liked to say after that my life was a breeze. I would like to say that but it wasn’t, in fact in some key ways it was a nightmare. But and here’s the the big BUT, situations didn’t last forever. As situations changed and got better, even if something’s got a little worse, in the end I had to admit my life remained good. Good being a way in which I looked at it and was grateful.

It has taken me years to understand that just like God looked at all He made (the world including the light) and saw ‘it was good’ (Genesis) I needed to see the value in each day and enjoy it. Psalm 103 says life is short so enjoy it! Whether you are a person of faith or not I don’t think anyone would argue that one. (Don’t worry I am not going all religious on you, but it’s there in black and white).

After a few comments this week about how I am always enjoying life, and being a pathetic woman I started to feel guilty as if I am doing something wrong. Now in the clear light of day I know I need no justification for loving life, but I needed to remind myself why I say yes more than no, record the days and events of the good things (as there are not so good things) and Why I hold the good ones up and be grateful.

Its because ‘this little blade of grass’ is going to enjoy everyday come sun, rain or shine and feel good about it. I know I am blessed. I am not heartless I the see the burdens people carry, who may or may not complain, I see others with crazy lovely lives who may or may not complain. But I know LIFE is that one Journey we get to take only once and yes I intend to enjoy it as much as any human can No Apologies and with much gratitude!…… Sorry about photo I just thought I should remind myself that I am no air guitar player – note to self do not try it again and be grateful I own the copywrite! .

Listening to the Chiming Tree……

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

Khalil Gibran

Isn’t strange that you can live each day and never notice the changes around you. Today I listened to a guy talking about the ‘cloud appreciation society’. A group who are fascinated by clouds. The guy said “Cloud Watching legitimises doing nothing especially important in this ever busy technology driven life”. Everyone has lay on their backs and watched the shapes clouds make and identified rabbits. It’s what our imagination was created for.

So after work and before I cleaned the house I decided to go cloud watching just for a while. I am lucky enough to live next to a big park, which when I had dogs I visited each day. But in the absence of any 4 legged friends and being on my lonesome tonight a walk in the park seemed to offer a different perspective. Funny how things seem different when you are on your own. First thing is you are left with the little voices in your head. Sometimes these voices are repetition of what has been said to me in the last few days, sometimes they are from the past. Being left with your own thoughts is great if you are a good reflective thinker, but I am hopeless. So tonight I avoided too much thinking by looking around the park and listening to my music.

This meant I saw things I hadn’t seen before, certainly when I have company with me, I tend to be preoccupied with conversation but as I sat on a park bench and looked at the ducks I noticed in front of me was a ‘Chiming Tree’, a lovely old tree with wind chimes hanging in the branches. As the wind gently blew through the leaves I listened to a beautiful lullaby and watched the branches sway back and forward as if rocking a big green baby to sleep. The bench I sat on as I watched this little show, had a plaque dedicated to “Austin and Muriel Together Forever”. I wondered had Austin and Muriel sat here? had he got down on his knee here to propose to her? was it a special place for them both? It made me wish I wasn’t on my own tonight, it seemed such a waste, especially as I watched the sunset. Yes I had come looking for clouds to legitimise doing nothing and found the perfect romantic spot. Well I may not have been able to have a romantic moment but I did have a moment of appreciation for these beautiful things and the freedom I have to experience them. Legitimising doing nothing may also be an aid to seeing more and allowing you to hear the chimes of life too…..

Dolly Parton said

Storms make trees take deeper roots

And

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

Graduating in life….

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.
Robert Orben

Turning 50 last year changed very little, in fact it just legitimised some of the behaviours I couldn’t blame on being blonde, instead I got to put it down to age too.

I think the age thing didn’t matter to me, because unlike much older people in society I am still seen, by both my community and world. Because there comes a time when I will not be, old age tends to be seen as getting in the way, respect is hard earned and easily lost in a young persons world – if you don’t think so ask a pensioner.

For now I fend of that time by appreciating my life. And I am doing OK too, yesterday I graduated and got a MBA at Newcastle University, a old well respected university, full of history (including Martin L King!).

Not going to university never bothered me, other than I had fancied being a irresponsible student, so I never hankered over graduating, so here I was actually not looking forward to the ceremony. I felt too old for what I considered a experience meant for a younger person. But as I had been lucky enough to get a scholarship and I had enjoyed every minute of the two year course, including the moaning of assignment and deadlines, I was always going to be there, even it was just to say thank you and goodbye to some of the pretty awesome people I met along the way. From the course director who offered me the scholarship giving me a day to say yes! The good Lecturers, some very supportive (and some not so much), my very interesting mentor Peter Shaw who writes great spiritual leadership books and finally, but very importantly, my fabulous class mates. All younger than me, some by a year, most by 7/8yrs and more, but all clever, fun and generous people.

Sitting in the regal Kings Hall I glanced up and spotted a portrait of my Chairwoman Lady O watching over me (having recently resigned from being Chair of the Uni herself)this made me smile as I remembered how worried I was about who would come with me to this ceremony. Both my sons would be away, could I coax friends into sitting in a place which is usually occupied by proud parents? There were people I would love to have been there, including my own parents but couldn’t be, but I am blessed by having incredible friends and son number 2 is now back. So in the end I was wonderfully supported by Lady L and BB who made sure I got spoilt, and the New York Boys who sampled the free Cava several times a hour!!

The day turned out to be a graduation in more ways for me, not because I got the certificate (no t-shirts, which I think is a mistake in this modern world), or the chance to add 3 extra letters after my name but because I remembered what I had been taught about being a real person (the stuff you don’t get certificates for).
My parents were proud of me even without a degree, they knew that pride in others is for other things, such as treating people with respect and compassion, seeing needs and helping them fulfil them, making them feel special, showing you love them for who they are and not expecting them to change to suit you, knowing my own worth and ultimately being honest with myself and others even if at the time it hurts.

So as I appreciated the happy times of being with my classmates, the hours spent learning topics and sharing tales of their lives, their pitfall and triumphs, all different and hopeful, I vowed I would practice the things my first educators ( my mum and dad) taught me.

I know real education doesn’t begin and end in school, it starts when we first learn to breathe and ends when our body takes its last breath. What happens in between is the real education and it only works if we listen and apply what we think at the time is the right learning. Unfortunately with these lessons we can never be sure whether it’s a pass or fail, we just have to wait to get the final graduation. No guarantees, in fact the only thing for sure is that it will sometimes feel like a hard slog, and there will be scars gained to prove you were in attendance and that you tried your best even if your best wasn’t good enough…….

God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.
Elbert Hubbard

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Just passing through….

As I stumble through life, I know with a greater certainty that saying how I feel is more important than covering up to make everyone comfortable. ~ Roseanne Raneri

Being a women of a certain age, (well past birth but hopefully not too near death is how I tend to see it) I find myself and most of my girlfriends having similar thoughts going around in our heads. For those of us who have grown children, we started having these thoughts awhile ago while others with sons/daughters heading off to university are just starting to think them now.

The thoughts may be dressed up differently, a bit sadness, a bunch of anxiety and for most a hunk of excitement. They may present themselves at odd times such as when you try to sleep, or being alone in the house for a couple of hours or generally when you least expect it. Yes these thoughts come and prod like a human prod making you sometimes feel like you are questioning your own sanity!

What are these thoughts? Well I can’t be sure, all I can really do is offer a flavour hoping that others (if I am lucky to have readers that is) recognise them and tell us we are not insane or alone and that we are just passing through a stage of life such as pubity (but in reverse perhaps?)

To be fair these thoughts are more questions than thoughts, they tend be unclear and happy to present themselves as little niggles, unrest and generally a overall questioning of ‘is this it?’ The following are a selection some I have had, others belong to the women I come into contact with during my quest to find out if we all feel the same.

Is this it?
What now?
Should I start a relationship?
Do I really like being alone?
Could I ever share the remote control again?
Could I ever be in relationship again?
Do I want to share?
Should I end my relationship?
Should I pack a bag and run for it?
Should I change jobs?
Should I start a mission?
Can I even start my life?
Did it ever end?
What the hell have I achieved?
What should I achieve now?
Is this it?

Maybe these thoughts/questions serve a purpose, they are life’s way of making us take stock, like a line from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off! “Life moves pretty fast…if ya don’t stop and look around once and a while…you could miss it”. Is that what it’s all about? or is it really the Hokey Cokey ? (sorry couldn’t resist).

I started this Blog as a memory jogger but also to leave a little bit of me behind in case I ever get grand babies (not hinting just yet boys, none of us are ready !!!). I have the hope that if grand babies do arrive I am around to greet them and maybe teach them a little of life, telling them not to worry so much and that things and time passes so don’t fret and enjoy. But just incase I am not around to tell them, I wanted this blog to be at least a little helpful, even if it’s only to show that even old people don’t know all the answers, we are not always wiser just older! If I have granddaughters who also have these thoughts/questions at any time, they will know its normal (well for women of a certain age at least), and like most other times we are just passing through it and we generally make it to the other side wherever that may be……. I meant it boys no rush on those grand babies.

At some point we all need to hear our thoughts resonating in another person’s words so we can understand that each one of us is not alone. ~ Sarah McLachlan

Lorca shaken not stirred…..

“I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.”
– Unknown

Our last full day with Brother and Good Lady Wife was to be a local journey, spending the morning in the local town of Lorca which has recovered really well since the earthquake, just over a year ago. Brother had been there at the time in his village but apart from a little tremble didn’t really notice it, while Lorca took quite a bit in damage and people died, so quite serious.

A visit tends to be the same thing, a wander around local shops which seems like its is mostly shoe shops (or so I think – not being a good shopper) and a hell of a lot of banks. Either they grow money here or they just like banks. Today we visited the local market where the fruit and veg look like they are mutants, huge and odd shaped but very fresh. NYB P loved it while NYB F struggled, holding himself back from heading directly to the little coffee shop and opting for a early beer. But he managed to wait till we had at least done one circuit before settling down to his first beer.

Going anywhere with NYBs and Brother tends to be the same, wander for 30 minutes, then enter a little taverna/coffee shop for a beer/coffee (I am resident driver this holiday it seems, so only non alcoholic for me!). All the while the four of them are sharing stories, while I tend to amuse myself by photographing anything that’s looks interesting.

Brother has never stopped talking since we got here and Good Lady Wife is fearful he will get a sore throat from the onslaught his vocal cords have taken this week. I suppose living in a foreign country means you miss the easy conversation with your fellow Brits. Or put it another way Brother is a professional, it’s in our genes and no stopping us. He and Good Lady Wife are such a committed couple, accepting each other for who they are, they are normal, but where other people tend to niggle about each other they seem to accept each other no matter what. Both of them want the other one to be happy, even at the expense of themselves , and neither of them could ever accept a life apart. This seems such a rare thing today, but you can’t help hoping that although rare, it is still a possibility with the right people, who are willing to be accepting and have the ability to love the other person more than themselves.

I always like to go looking at the rich houses of Lorca, its a pretty walk through a tree lined avenue. I like to imagine the Lorcan people who live there, wondering what do they do for a living, do they have a big family born from Spanish royalty, I will never know but maybe one day will get inside one of those houses. This little gated estate tucked just behind Lorca High Street is a treat to visit, and can be easily missed if you don’t know it’s there. I love a little tapas pavilion tucked right in the middle which reminds me of our pavilion in the local park at home (it bares no resemblance but it still reminds me), sadly today it was shut when we arrived, but never its not a fail, as we find another tapas bar at the end of the avenue, here Brother tries yet again to get us chips/fries returning instead with plain crisps (failed again), he really needs to learn Spanish better!!

Spending our last night in the village, partaking of Pepe’s large measures, I go looking for the sunset again across the Campo (a large open space behind the village, where you can see across to the mountains). I love doing this alone, the village is quiet, friendly villagers say Buenos Nachos as I walk past not caring that I am obviously a stranger (more strange than most, some would say), taking photos of stray cats and dogs as I walk by. Sunsets never fail to get to me, they seem to say “you have had your day, be grateful for it, it was made just for you. Never forget the beauty each day offers, it was meant to be enjoyed so hope you made the most of it as its never going to be repeated exactly the same. But remember as this sun disappears, if you need to make amends on what you didn’t or did do today, remember to pray to God, thank Him for today and ask Him for another day to put things right, and if thats not to be, pray that those you spent the day with, were left knowing how much you loved them, after all that’s the point isn’t it?”

Getting back to one of Good Lady Wife’s delicious suppers (including real chips – diet next week), we talk about how lovely both of their houses are and thank them for making us so welcome . Being in their company is relaxed and fun so much that you can’t feel sad at leaving and feeling very tempted to book to come back next month! Tomorrow we will hug and say goodbye and be grateful we have shared their dream, homes and company even if it’s only been for a short time and we always have the memories to take with us and the hope of another time in this little Lorcan retreat…….

Let’s make a memory…….

“Memory is the diary we all carry about with us.”
― Oscar Wilde

After my Dad died I realised that I would never remember all the stuff he talked about. The lessons he tried to teach, the memories he shared about his early life with Mum, his experiences of people. You see my Dad lived with me and my family and liked to talk (something tells me I am my Fathers daughter for sure) and often I was too busy with life to listen as carefully as I should have. After all older people have a lot to teach us if only we listened. That said my kids, extended family and I remember quite a bit (thankfully).

Only now do I take more care to remember the important things in life.

At the same time I figured out that it is also important to be conscious about making memories, as we only have one life, and I understand a rich person is not the one with the most money, but the one with the sweetest memories. Therefore my rally cry to friends is “let’s go make a memory” and luckily they are most compliant and love life just as much as me.

Today as Lady L sat next to the river and tried out her bird watching skill, (her Aussie cousins had impressed her with their skill so she is in practice for their return visit next year – which is not looking good as she failed miserably, saying “it’s a Swallow, no a Swift” “why a Swift?” I asked, knowing full well it was because it flew fast – that had been her only clue! It looked like a dove or pigeon to me but it could have been a penguin for all I know (just kidding I know penguins are not birds they are mammals, Lady L told me!!) This had followed her navigating skill, where she used her inbuilt Red Indian genes to instruct me how to find a pub in Northumberland. Her instructions went a little like this “it’s just past Hexham, yes that’s where it is Bellingham, no hang on its Wall, no it’s just up here. Is this the Military Road, are you sure this is not the Military Road”. In the end I stopped and got out the Maps on my phone, and gave in to the modern world, only to find she couldn’t follow the darn thing. So giving up entirely we stopped at nearest place beside the river and chilled, vowing to find the other pub some other day, or when Penguins fly.

However we did come up with a strategy for making our memories stick. Our first one (we used in Canada last year), we stand looking at a beautiful view, using a splitter on our iPhone we listen to an awesome song such as “one moment in time”. This uses two senses to absorb the memory. We decided the more senses you use the better, including smell and touch if possible. Perhaps if we had held hands it would have been better in Canada (creepy but better).

Second is to take a photo, or blog it recording how it felt at the time. Including recording what was said, funny things we shared. I find sharing the blog or repeating the sayings again brings back the feelings too. You can’t help telling a good memory without a smile on your face – just try it!

Or one which I haven’t tried, which is when you are in a special place, tell a secret to someone. Such as how you feel about them. Saying ” I love you” for the first time or “will you marry me” (be careful with this one – for obvious reasons!). It’s probably better not to say things like “I killed your ferret”, that may cement the wrong memories and lose you friends, if you know what I mean.

Sometimes memories are so good you feel you simply can’t absorb enough of them, I know I have felt like that. So even if trying to trap a memory can be tricky its worth it.

But in the end the best part is sometimes the playback. When you reminisce with loved ones and friends. When you enhance the best times with added twists not untruths just little funnies. It brings out the best and you will get to relive them all over again. That’s what makes memories important they have staying power…..,