Happy Birthday 365 days after the last one…..

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.”
Madeleine L’Engle US writer

Horoscope: “Being a Virgo born on September 6th, you may be most well known for your will power. In the face of any challenge, you have the discipline and perseverance to be successful. Even in chaotic situations, you have the ability to bring order with great organization skills. As you are a very social person, you have developed the ability to lead others tactfully and effectively. Your friends, family and coworkers see you as a natural leader”. ……Oh really!?……,

Yes its that time again – my birthday. I am 51yrs, 1hour and 3mins (well thats if I was born at the beginning of the day – I don’t know this piece of birthing information, having no older family members left to ask). But as I try to find an exciting thing to say about the number 51, I find I am just content to say I am glad to be here!! Not because I have suffered ill health or any major struggles, no I have been blessed and I am just grateful for my lot. However as I get older I am more sensitive to ageing, which includes ailments and struggles of those around me. I read a article this week which said we were the “sandwich generation” who are caring for both grand babies (and big kids) and elderly parents. This is reflected in my friendship group that’s for sure, as I watch with respect my friends supporting young and old in their family. We moan that the big kids just don’t leave home anymore (well not quick enough) and elderly parents demand more attention, which is hard to give holding down full time jobs. Yes ‘Family Life’ at its best and worse.

With my parents past away and having only 1 son in residence (currently), I find my mind wandering back to memories of my parents and their lives. I can’t help wondering what struggles they faced. My mum died in her early 50s so would have experienced some of these life experiences. I have thought how good it would be to have her back just for one night of girly chat, with a few of my aunties (also long gone – she was one of 9 kids) and a few of my girlfriends. we could talk about EVERYTHING, sharing the pains, giggles and hopefully wise guidance.

In this supernatural dream we would get some perspective on our current issues. My mum would say “Love, there’s nothing you can do about (whatever) and its best you just get on with it. As in the end it sorts its self out anyway”. I can’t be sure those would be her words, I really can’t remember her voice that clearly anymore, which is sad, but I think that those that went before us, survived similar and it made them who they were and it will do the same for us. I do hold on to the fact that no matter what any of us worry about today, it will be a distant memory replaced with something very different in the coming weeks, months and hopefully years!

That’s life and whether 51 is a boring number or not it’s at the start of a decade, so who knows what is ahead. I recently heard someone say you should “Allow yourself the possibility of something greater” which I think gives hope for the future so I am going to use it as my 51yr ‘mission statement’, which could have been just how my mum thought, you never know……

Just passing through….

As I stumble through life, I know with a greater certainty that saying how I feel is more important than covering up to make everyone comfortable. ~ Roseanne Raneri

Being a women of a certain age, (well past birth but hopefully not too near death is how I tend to see it) I find myself and most of my girlfriends having similar thoughts going around in our heads. For those of us who have grown children, we started having these thoughts awhile ago while others with sons/daughters heading off to university are just starting to think them now.

The thoughts may be dressed up differently, a bit sadness, a bunch of anxiety and for most a hunk of excitement. They may present themselves at odd times such as when you try to sleep, or being alone in the house for a couple of hours or generally when you least expect it. Yes these thoughts come and prod like a human prod making you sometimes feel like you are questioning your own sanity!

What are these thoughts? Well I can’t be sure, all I can really do is offer a flavour hoping that others (if I am lucky to have readers that is) recognise them and tell us we are not insane or alone and that we are just passing through a stage of life such as pubity (but in reverse perhaps?)

To be fair these thoughts are more questions than thoughts, they tend be unclear and happy to present themselves as little niggles, unrest and generally a overall questioning of ‘is this it?’ The following are a selection some I have had, others belong to the women I come into contact with during my quest to find out if we all feel the same.

Is this it?
What now?
Should I start a relationship?
Do I really like being alone?
Could I ever share the remote control again?
Could I ever be in relationship again?
Do I want to share?
Should I end my relationship?
Should I pack a bag and run for it?
Should I change jobs?
Should I start a mission?
Can I even start my life?
Did it ever end?
What the hell have I achieved?
What should I achieve now?
Is this it?

Maybe these thoughts/questions serve a purpose, they are life’s way of making us take stock, like a line from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off! “Life moves pretty fast…if ya don’t stop and look around once and a while…you could miss it”. Is that what it’s all about? or is it really the Hokey Cokey ? (sorry couldn’t resist).

I started this Blog as a memory jogger but also to leave a little bit of me behind in case I ever get grand babies (not hinting just yet boys, none of us are ready !!!). I have the hope that if grand babies do arrive I am around to greet them and maybe teach them a little of life, telling them not to worry so much and that things and time passes so don’t fret and enjoy. But just incase I am not around to tell them, I wanted this blog to be at least a little helpful, even if it’s only to show that even old people don’t know all the answers, we are not always wiser just older! If I have granddaughters who also have these thoughts/questions at any time, they will know its normal (well for women of a certain age at least), and like most other times we are just passing through it and we generally make it to the other side wherever that may be……. I meant it boys no rush on those grand babies.

At some point we all need to hear our thoughts resonating in another person’s words so we can understand that each one of us is not alone. ~ Sarah McLachlan